So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
