new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
