the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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