There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
