I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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