xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
