wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
