somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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