Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Im part way to drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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