Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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