O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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