flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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