Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
