I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
