You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
