i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
