I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
