filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
