I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we're making bets on your personal life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
