This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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