I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
