so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
