Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
