It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had sex on a roof
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
