Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize