wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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