I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
