When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize