my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
