He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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