apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
