Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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