I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
