im six kinds of drunk right now
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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