Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
