i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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