I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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