And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize