Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
