I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
