I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
