yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
