On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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