beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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