I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize