There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
