You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
