The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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