well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
