alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
