Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
