im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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