Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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