she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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