Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
