My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
