is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize