also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
