Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
