She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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