dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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