I heard we made out
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
