dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
