ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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