Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
