his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize