I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
