when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
