I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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