Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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