She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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