I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
