I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize