At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
