i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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