True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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