i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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