im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
