everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
