Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
