So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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