check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
