Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
only if we run a train.
done.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Panties = found
Randomize
