Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
