Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
