I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
