I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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