You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
