Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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