I haven't been this sober since birth.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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