I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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