So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she looked like the before picture.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
