I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
