I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
