White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
