Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
