I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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