We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
