Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize