Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
