Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
