No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
