And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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