oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize