your parents love me but you hate me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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