Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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