so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I fill condoms, not promises.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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