He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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